I will not play tug-of-war
with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly
stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind
the 'fridge and then whine.
I must shake the rainwater out
of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats'
food...before or after they eat it.
I will stop
trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to
I will not throw up in the
I will not roll on dead
seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's
face after eating animal poop.
"crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat
any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a
I will not wake Mommie up by
sticking my cold, wet nose on any part of her body.
I will not chew my human's
toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew
crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I'm hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not
insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I
will not bark each time I hear one on the television.
I will not steal my Mom's
underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel.
Neither are my Mom and Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the
I will not
bite the officer's hand when he reaches in the car for Mom's drivers license and car
These are the rules and I
abide by them. See ya'll later.....